Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Another totally random post....

Something is not right in Dallas. I feel myself being irreversibly sucked into an actual career. It took a while to happen (as I am slightly older than 18 now), but I have recently found myself actually thinking about work when I am home. This is discomforting and makes me wish that I had tried harder to realize my childhood dream of being the next Rhinestone Cowboy! I mean, I need money (it buys my gourmet groceries) but I never thought that I would be consumed by work. Work is something you do so that you are able to truly live, right? When work starts encroaching on said living you've got a problem, right? Of course, I still have it better than many of my friends (okay, I only have two - but still); who frequently work 60 hour weeks. Its a bad week when I have to work 45! But still, I'm worried about the worrying. I'm worried about getting ahead. I'm worried about impressing others. I'm worried about staying ahead of others.

I just finished watching the latest installment of the Up Series, 42 Up. Basically, in two weeks time I was able to watch these individuals grow from 7 year old cartoon characters to 42 year old geezers. Its fascinating, but also inspiring and disturbing. You see some accomplishing something new and exciting in every 7 year installment. And others who seem to fall apart right before your eyes. I find that I want to be part of the former group. But hadn't I hoped to accomplish more than just being a well-paid businessman? Wasn't I supposed to write a screenplay? Or open a restaurant? Or travel the world? There's a fine line between living, and making a living. Unless you're independantly wealthy you have to do one in order to accomplish the other. But too much career, and the living gets squeezed out of life. Am I waxing too eloquent? Sure. But I honestly do worry that I will be just another treadmill participant.

Yep, my career is going just fine. I may need to quit soon.

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